Something Wholly Unexpected

I recently ran into a guy I know . . . more of an acquaintance than a friend. He works at a local branch of a national retail chain, and once upon a time, I dated one of his co-workers for a while. His name is Steve. The funny thing is that I know quite a bit about him — about his wife, his kids, that he's worked at this particular store for coming up on 20 years in January . . . but I don't know his last name.

At any rate, I recently was in this store for the singular purpose of buying cat litter, and I ran into Steve. It's been a while since I've seen him . . . and this is pretty much the only way we connect — when I'm in his store and he's working at the time. My mom was with me, so I introduced Steve to Betty . . . and we all chit-chatted a bit.

Steve mentioned to us that he and his wife will be celebrating their 20th wedding anniversary next month. "Congratulations!" I told him. "That's wonderful. So how are you going to celebrate this major milestone?"

Steve said that he and his wife would probably take an extended vacation in the summer sometime...because they both work and cannot get any time off right now — him particularly, being in the retail industry, at the holiday season.

So I said, "But you will take her out for a very nice dinner, right? And at least one night in an exclusive hotel, even if it's local."

Steve kind of nodded. "Yeah, sure."

"No, Steve. I'm serious. Do something radical . . . something wholly unexpected . . . something she would never, ever think it was possible for you to do. Show her how much she means to you. I'll bet you could really rekindle the romance that way."

The next thing I knew, Steve was grinning from ear to ear . . . falling in love with the idea of letting his wife know he still loved her.

I have absolutely no idea what compelled me to suggest such a thing to a man who really is no more than a casual acquaintance . . . but I did. And, who knows what will happen because of my suggestion.

As we walked out of the store, I told him that I would be looking for a status report the next time I saw him.

Happy anniversary, Steve and Carol!

Risk and Reward

All growth . . . is the result of risk-taking.
— Jude Wanniski (b. 1944-), English actress

If you don't risk anything, you risk even more.
— Erica Jong (b. 1942-), American feminist writer

If these two women are correct, what is it about risk, then, that induces panic, sometimes to the point of paralysis?

Accordingto Linda Austin (author of What’s Holding You Back?), women take fewer risks than men, overall. We’re socialized to let men be the adventurers. We, generally, take fewer, smaller risks, preferring instead to bet always on the sure thing. But while reading Austin's book, I compiled a list of the risks I’ve taken in my own life, and it was fairly lengthy. Except in a few very distinct areas. Professional growth. Finances. Relationships.

Well, I can now safely cross the last one off that list.

Risk means there’s no guarantee. The answer and/or outcome is not obvious. If you take a risk, if you venture, if you gamble . . . you might F-A-I-L. But you also might succeed beyond your wildest dreams. I think that’s what Erica Jong means in her quote. What good is doing the safe thing every time, if in the process, I stifle myself and all my possibilities?

I heard an inspirational speaker last fall who said that every risk he’s ever taken has turned out more spectacularly than anything he could ever have imagined. He challenged us, then, to throw open the door of mystery and take a peek at what might be on the other side. Sure, the not knowing is scary. But isn’t the possibility of staying in the same place and not growing scarier?

I have no idea how my most recent risk is going to pan out. We can’t go backwards — only forward — from here. I do know, though, that things have shifted, now. And regardless of the result, knowing I cared enough about myself — and the other person involved — to take the risk, makes the risk itself worth having taken.

I have often found myself wishing I had a crystal ball so that I could know for sure how things would turn out. It's kind of interesting that it really bothers the person with whom I took this recent giant risk that I often read the last page of a novel first. "Nooooo!!!!" he said, when I told him about that little habit of mine. "You can't do that!! Why would you do that?!?" But I like knowing who to root for, just like I prefer to know the storyline of the movie before I get there.

Life, though, is not a novel or a movie, with a pat, fixed ending. It is an exploration, a journey. It’s like a great big mad scientist’s lab. We can’t possibly know the results before we experience them. If we did, what would be the point?